Shri Mataji asked me: "Whats wrong with you? Why are you so sad?"
On Aug 4, 2012, at 6:22 PM, Isabelle wrote:
Dear Cris, Violet and all
Reading Cris' latest emails has brought back painful memories of when I was in the French collective (which I left more than 10 years ago now).
We had also "dark figures" such as this Ana Maria woman. I used to call them the "Peters" and "Pauls". I didn't understand why they were "bossing" us ("us" = the "unimportant" SYs...)
They were ordering to come to the ashram to do this or that, they had a whole planning and protocol about what to say/not to say in the public programs, etc...
I was constantly hurt by their lack of spontaneity, love, patience, understanding; I also physically hurt in their presence. And for the 3 or 4 years I spent in the collective, I didn't understand why I felt so different from them why I didn't seem to feel the same vibrations (when they said the vibrations were "hot" about somebody, I found them cool or vice versa). I found 3 or 4 SYs who were "similar" to me (Nicole who is on this forum was one of them) but the rest lived in fear of the leaders, fear of being expelled from Sahaja Yoga, etc...
So I was very unhappy; I even thought I was getting mad sometimes. Then I had a few important dreams and "visions" which reassured me and gave me a clearer view; in one of them, I saw Shri Mataji sitting on a throne, under a tree, by a beautiful and peaceful lake. There were some mountains in the background. I was with a lot of others SYs, but somehow, She saw me in the crowd. She asked me to come near Her (She made a gesture with Her hand). I didn't want to, because I was feeling awful, and so ashamed of being in such a state in front of the Adi Shakti; I reluctantly came to Her. I didn't dare look at Her. I was crying. She asked me: "What's wrong with you? Why are you so sad?"
I had 2 reasons at the time : my mother was psychologically very ill (she had been depressed all her life, and she didn't seem to get better despite getting her realisation and Sahaj meditation) and I didn't understand why the SY "collective" was so horrible, so far from how I expected SYs should be... I didn't understand why miracles weren't happening. I was expecting things to be sorted; in short, I was expecting my mother to get better and the French collective to get better as well.
Shri Mataji smiled at me. She didn't say anything but made me understand that I had to put my head on the ground, by Her feet. I kneeled and put my head down. She put one foot on my head, and immediately, a downpour of liquid "light", love and undefinable joy rushed within me from the top of my head. It was like a wonderful cleansing inner "shower". I felt submerged in that light, love and joy for a few seconds. I wanted to stay in that state for ever...
Then, Shri Mataji put Her foot down, I looked up at Her. She smiled and just said : "Your worries are just an illusion. The reality is what you have just experienced. Nothing else exists!"
I was in such a shock ! When I "woke up" from that vision, I was still smiling and laughing at myself. It took some time, but things eventually changed : my Mum is now completely cured (after years of painful psychological illness, she meditates, she's joyous, she's optimistic...) And I have left the collective. I had nothing to do with them anymore because:
a) They're not "real" SYs
b) They live in a sad illusion
c) They are dangerous
But I was still questioning myself about the whole drama : why did we have this false entity called Sahaja Yoga ? Why did all these horrible things happen to Shri Mataji (the way She was drugged...) ? Why wasn't the "real" advent (the way we understand it on this forum) more obvious ? Why didn't more genuine people know about Shri Mataji/ the Paraclete/ the Adi Shakti?
I don't have definite answers yet, but over the years, my inner questioning has calmed down; I am now convinced that:
— Sahaja Yoga (the "association", the collective, what we call on this forum the "Subtle system religion") was just a lure created by the Adi Shakti/Maha Maya to catch all the "Peters" and "Pauls" (all the ones who made a mess of Christ's teachings 2000 years ago) and neutralize them. They are now all entangled in Her web, busy bossing themselves/endlessly cleaning themselves but at least, they leave the rest of the world alone!
— The Advent (Kingdom of God/Golden Age/ Apocalypse...) IS HAPPENING ! In many different ways : some people get a change of awareness because they have personal experiences (such as NDE, visions, chanelling...). Some of them follow types of meditation which put them on the right path; some others get a spontaneous realisation, without even knowing what it is ! (I met some people who described the cool breeze, the vibrations, but they didn't know what it meant or what to do with it;..)
So many books, forums, happenings, bring about/ express a shift in the global consciousness. So many people throughout the world are participating, in one way or another, in the global awakening (I just came across this site http://www.onenessuniversity.org this Oneness University is so similar to what we tried to achieve in Sahaja Yoga...)
So dear Cris, just forget about your worries. Forget/forgive the Romanian SY collective. Your collective now is the collective of the Spirit. Just tune into the Joy, the Love that permeates the whole universe.
Express yourself. Find your own ways of spreading this great knowledge : you can do it in so many different subtle ways. Sometimes, you don't even have have to interfere with anybody. You just have to BE. Be a channel that lets more and more divine light come into this world; Let the Divine work out everything. And be sure of one essential thing : all your worries, all your fears are an illusion. If you don't feed them, they disappear.
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